Why Do Teenagers Isolate?
With time, our children, especially teenagers, stop expressing their emotions because we repeatedly told them we did not want to hear them. Our children had to deal with their emotions for a long time. Alone in their room, on a chair, in the corner …
One of the possible reasons why our teenage children are isolated when they feel overloaded, instead of coming to us with their problems is because we have isolated them. When they were small and were crying and feeling tired, we have isolated them instead of asking what they are up to and help them.
When our children are small, they try to manage their emotions because they can not and don’t know how to express what they feel.
They have attacks of anger and rage, ‘crazy’, shout, cry, throw things, scream, whine. That’s their way of communicating with us.
They then need our help to organize, process and express their feelings in a healthy way.
And society tells us that we should punish them for that.
“Send them to their room, put them in a corner, slap them.”
In this way we teach, train and exercise our children not to show their emotions.
Stop banging! Stop whining! Do not complain and do not give up!
Do not complain! Your feelings are incorrect, inaccurate, wrong, bad. Be quiet!
And so, over time, our children stop expressing their emotions because we repeatedly told them we did not want to hear them. Our children had to deal with their emotions alone for a long time. Alone in their room, on a chair, in the corner.
And when these little kids turn into teenagers we expect them to feel safe talking to us.
We expect them to know that NOW is OK to talk to us. They are subconsciously conditioned to think exactly the opposite, because this is exactly what they have learned as they grew up with us.
Let’s give our little child the permission to feel it. Let’s show and tell them that their feelings are right and important, let’s show them that we care about their feelings, regardless of how small their problem is. Let’s make sure our kids know we hear them.
Soon, crying around the crayons will turn into breaks and heartbreak sex or even depression. Make sure your children know you’ll always hear them. We’re a child’s safe place.